Allow Me to Reintroduce Myself ...

Hi! I am so happy you are here. I'm Melissa, the gal behind the scenes of this blog. Have you ever tried to start over? Reinvent yourself? Sift through the remaining ash after regretfully burning something to the ground to see what could be salvaged? I certainly have. This is my humble attempt at a comeback.

It’s Me! Wine tasting in Tuscany with The Getaway Co in June 2022

I began this journey as a hobby many years ago on Tumblr, before the days of career food blogging, Instagramming, & influencing. Back when being vegan/vegetarian was for hippies & not health-conscious hipsters. Before Jay Z & Beyonce brought veganism to the masses. Before Kite Hill & Beyond Meat, & long before there was any real edible vegan cheese on the market (thank you SriMu & Miyoko). The vegan scene in San Diego was small but slowly building & I was ready to be a part of the movement. I'm practically a lifelong vegetarian, who dabbled in veganism here & there. One night, I watched the film Earthlings & everything changed (iykyk). As I learned more about how a vegan diet could impact the well-being of myself, the planet, & the animals, I began making the switch to a more vegan-focused diet & lifestyle.

In 2009, during the midst of a divorce & big life transition, I decided it was time to get myself back on track after some unhealthy habits derailed me a bit. Looking for a healthful hobby to pass the time, I began spending more time cooking & trying to "veganize" anything & everything I could. I also joined a community farm's CSA program, & that is when it really all began. When things like kohlrabi, okra, & stinging nettle began showing up in the box, I knew I had some things to learn, so I started experimenting more & more in my kitchen. Right around that same time, a co-worker & her husband decided to go vegan. She came to me with questions & I flooded her with answers. I realized I had a lot to share. At some point, I decided to put all of that knowledge into a blog. Vegenista, which was the moniker that said co-worker had given me, was born. I started producing vegan-related food, fashion, beauty & lifestyle content. I became immersed in the growing scene in San Diego, attending cooking classes, pop-ups & events, reviewing restaurants & businesses, etc. I met a lot of new friends, got lots of cool stuff sent to me, was featured on some lucrative websites, & even had a few of my articles published in magazines. I then created a second, more professional website that cataloged my recipes. At my peak, I had upwards of 10,000 followers, which at the time, was huge.

And then ... around 2016, I had a rock bottom moment after a major heartbreak & series of personal setbacks. I stopped cooking, writing, & eating. I stopped taking care of myself. For a couple of years, the blog sat idle. A few times, I sat down & tried to write, but I could not find the words. I would read back through old posts & I couldn't identify with the person I was when I had written them.

In 2017, in an effort to move forward, I enrolled in a graduate program while also working full-time. Needless to say, that took up the bulk of my time & energy, & thus, the blog continued to remain on hiatus. Then, one day in 2020, after much thought, I decided that it was time to really let it go. I deleted (almost) everything - my website, photos, Facebook, Instagram, email accounts, my content - without a backup. There was a lot that happened behind the scenes during that period of my life that I wanted to forget about. Perhaps deleting it all would also erase the pain that I couldn't seem to shake off? We all know, it doesn't quite work that way.

While there was a sense of freedom & bit of weight lifted from my shoulders, deep down I couldn't help but feel a bit of a sense of loss & regret. For so long, my blog & my participation in the vegan food scene in San Diego was a big part of my identity. It was a creative passion project that fulfilled something in me that my day job couldn't provide. It gave me a sense of purpose & connection. That was part of what made me hold on to a dormant blog for so long ... who would I be now without it? I will say that once I wiped that slate clean, a big part of me felt like it disappeared as well.

Fast forward to early 2022, as a graduation present to myself, I booked a trip to Italy with a vegan travel company, The Getaway Co. which featured one of my favorite vegan bloggers as a special guest host, Timothy, of Mississippi Vegan. I started thinking a lot about my days as a blogger & wondered what might have happened if I had pursued it a little harder if I had continued to build my presence online if I hadn't deleted it all? Could I have been invited to travel as part of my job? What a dream! But after all of the years I'd put into my blog, the following I had worked hard to gain, the content I spent hours creating ... I no longer had anything to show for it.

One late night after some research, I found an internet archiving service that could “scrape” my lost content off the internet & download it into a file. I paid a bit extra to have it loaded back onto WordPress. And just like that, my website was back. Kinda. Most of the links didn't work, pages went to nowhere, nothing could be modified, & I could not post any new content. I realized I was better off rebuilding it again from scratch, but that seemed too overwhelming a task. So then it sat on the back burner. But, while in Italy in June 2022, a conversation with a fellow traveler got my wheels turning. Maybe it was time to start over? Maybe these passions could be reignited again? Inspired by all of the gorgeous vegan food I ate in Italy, I was reminded of how nourishing & aligned a vegan diet felt to me. I felt ready to take hold of my health, my spirit, my creativity, my compassion, & put myself back out into the world. This is a good place to start.

When I arrived home from the trip, I got to work. I set up this site & spent hours uploading past content that was worthy of resharing. I edited out some details that didn't need mentioning anymore. I fixed a lot of typos (but probably not all of them). With the help of Flickr & my old outdated Tumblr, I got a lot of my photos back. Some of the recipes need reworking & some of the photos are too dark or blurry, but I'll work on that. Organically, the new blog name came to me ... its a play on the meaning of my name & also a play on words. It's sweet & I think it really suits me & the energy of this new space.

While going through the archives - combing through old posts, recipes, photos, memories, mentions of my sweet dog who passed away last October, & mentions of people who are no longer a part of my life - has been both a wildly nostalgic & heartwrenching upheaval. I have realized how much of myself I had lost after it essentially all fell apart, & how disconnected I've become from so many of the things that were once so important to me. I see a reflection of who I once was in these posts & realize how much I've really missed aspects of myself. I see now that I am still here & I suppose I always have been, I just got lost for a few years. Through this process, I am finding the inspiration & excitement coming back, little by little ... to write, to cook, to take photos, to explore new places & share ... & most importantly to be more conscious, connected, & to care again ... about myself, others, animals, & the planet.

I am still rebuilding after a major upheaval & excavation. I am still trying to figure out who I am, authentically after all the shifts & unexpected twists my life has taken. I have done a lot of work & healing but with much more left to do. I have a lot to share, but also, now I am a lot more private. My voice has changed & the landscape has changed. I have no idea how to be a content creator in these modern times & no desire to be an influencer. Social media has expanded & changed so much over the years & a lot of it is outside my comfort zone. But that is ok. If no one reads this except for my mom & my best friend, that is ok, too. I just want this for me, for my memory, for my legacy, & for anyone who stumbles upon it that may be inspired by it. So, let's just start again & see where it goes.

I am not perfect, especially as I lean back into a vegan diet & lifestyle. Quite frankly, I don't know anyone who is the perfect vegan, try as they might. I thought long & hard about putting "vegan" in the title of this blog & I anticipate some pushback ... but this is my journey. I may slip up now & again with dairy-based cheese, I consume local raw honey, I still have some leather goods (I tried the PVC/man-made route & ended up throwing so much away, I didn't know what was the lesser of two evils), & I don't fuss over trace ingredients or where my veggies are grilled. But, I do my best to follow a plant-based diet & eat minimally processed foods, & be a responsible consumer by supporting sustainable, ethical, & cruelty-free brands, & shopping locally whenever possible. As more & more ethical & sustainable companies & goods come onto the market, I will be the first to support them. I strive for progress, not perfection. As Colleen Patrick Goudreau says, "Don’t do nothing because you can’t do everything. Do something. Anything.” I love this approach. For me, it is about living a well-balanced life. I also will not preach to or judge the diets or lifestyles of my friends, families, or others. I do have my opinions, but only share them when asked. I honor your personal journey. All are welcome in my world. Thank you so much for being here.

“Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not.” ~ Dr. Suess